Over the Humps

So, a little while ago, I asked you who's on FilthTube. Looks like they have a new gang of FilthTube stars, and you know what that means. It means they have a gang who think they're stars because they have a lot of views on their page. And where did they get their views? Do you want to know how I get my views? I get them honestly.

On Independence Day, the Americans are always in a good mood. That's a good time to wish them a happy birthday, like I did on July 4th this year. And dedicating my song Free to them on this day was a way that I could join their celebration. It generated a lot of views. And who got all those views as I was reporting the video being constantly assaulted for the next two weeks? Maybe it was 'YouTube stars'.

Another good way to hook people onto your page is to have a serial story going, like I did in 2016, with all my epic poems. They got a lot of views as I rewrote them, not just to see how the stories would end, but to compare them to what Saturday Night Live stole from me in 2007 and butchered on their broadcasts in the following years. These views were meant to heed a poet for his words, but they were all illegally diverted to Wise Hall Flea, a band that prides itself on its lack of lyrics and morals. They probably stole their music, too, except for the ridiculous guitar solos.

When a post is new, it is in the 'hump' period for views. That's when the page humpers hit my page. You'll notice they've reduced their assaults recently. That's because they already humped enough views to be able to call themselves Youtube stars. But I want those views back where they came from.

You businessmen, how much does it cost to get the cops to look the other way through these kinds of assaults? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just go directly to the artist? Or are you still trying to murder me with cruelty after all these years? Those stars of yours thought I was a cream puff because I'm so warm and human in my work. Then when they stole my work, they let everyone call them sweethearts. You're on their side, I suppose.

As far as the music, I guess people are always interested in hearing a well written song. I know that in the Iraq War, soldiers got their music from the internet, since Iraq had no rock stations. I wrote a lot of the music for that war. Does the documentary Shock and Awe talk about that?

I've been putting up with my views getting ripped off since 2007. It's highly unpleasant for me, but it should show you that my popularity is not letting up. One day I will move to a location that can not be compromised by criminals seeking false page views. Then you'll see how abysmal YouTube truly was all along.

12:01pm. You know, show business, I've written a few thousand pages of truth in this account, right up to this page, and all you've ever done, in eight years of it, is contradict me with one half-assed lie after another. Is that all you know how to do? My lawyers got your TV shows cancelled and sent your stars to prison. Are you trying to answer that with half-assed lies? You must really think people are stupid. And the way you take the stealing of millions of my page views so lightly shows what little respect you have for our choices on the internet. I bet you've made a lot of people angry with your treatment of me. Keep it up and maybe you'll get your TV studios fire bombed.

I don't want to hear any lip from your bogus performer. She'll be apprehended and incarcerated if she wants to contradict my truth with another idiotic insinuation. And try to keep the ones who've already gone to prison for stealing my music, like Dean, off the stage. I don't need any more information about his scarred penis. Oh, yes, and no one really gives a shit about Mick Jagger's money. He's nothing without his credibility as an author, which he and Keith have damaged by stealing their music from me. All the magazine covers and radio airplay in the world will not change that. And you can't change people's taste by lying to them with stolen page views, you can only piss them off. I want those views back where they belong.

I want those views back where they belong. It's wrong to make assholes look popular with my popularity. We're all getting mighty sick of this filthy crime of yours, you dirty broadcasters and website administrators. Stop promoting assholes who steal my work and/or my page views.

6:46pm. It's after 6:00, when those monsters know the library closes on weekends. They are deadly cowards who only attack when my hands are tied. I tell you their stars went to prison and can they incarcerate me for it? No, all they can do is hurl idiotic insinuations. Meanwhile, the cops are getting ready to drag them out of their pleasure vehicles, strip them naked, photograph them, and put them in a cell with no windows at all - no tinted windows to hide behind as they stalk their victims. They wanted to say I write shit. How about that linked to poem? Dick Cheney didn't pay Leonard Cohen to steal that one from me, eh? But if they want to judge my next paragraph, I customized it especially for treacherous stars. (Yeah, who said they wrote that linked to sketch? Guess they didn't think it was so shitty.)

If you're a stalking, stealing star, you are an evil fuck who should be apprehended and punished without mercy. You should be tied down and have your limbs torn off, one at a time. Your leg should be taken from you and used to kick the shit out of your lying supporters in the media by beating them over the head with it. And it should all be done in public, so the crowds can cheer at the sounds of your agony. I'm the one who shouts and calls you pussy when you cruise by me in your expensive vehicles. I dare you to show your face in public, as your lies have made my face such a problem for me when I go out.

PEOPLE, PLEASE WATCH FOR WEB CRIME AFTER THE LIBRARY CLOSES. THANK YOU.

Arguments

Comedy Sketches

Cartoons

Lyrics

Poems

More Statements

Scripts

Songs